Rest

One glance at the calendar and all its squares we are passing takes my breath away. I inhale deeply, try to be brave and say goodbye to color. I’m waving my farewell and facing the realization of mid-autumn a little late this year. I want to slow down, make time stand still to celebrate and most of all let go of my racing thoughts to make more room for God’s. I so often pummel Him with words rather than rest in love.

I’m glad to live in an area that experiences four seasons. Some times they just seem to fly by too fast though and I realize I’ve not been intentional enough with my days and with God. Not about all the doing, but more about the being. The vibrancy of autumn has awoken me to this with all it’s leaves, fall mums in russet hues, pumpkins and the smell of fireplaces in the air. I’m memorized by the giggling I hear out amongst the mounds of leaves. But this time is so fleeting and it is soon to be winter. It’s time now to slow down, rest and cut a clearing through the mental clutter and our activity; make a way in, because the Teacher paints with the most awesome colors in the song of the Spirit in every season.

Looking at my end table, Resting Place by Jane Rubietta begs to be read. It’s a quiet escape that invites me into a more meaningful retreat of slowness and solitude. I can do this- start small and slow down a little more each day. It will help me to turn the pages in the book, the calendar and the leaves and just maybe turn my heart more as well.

In Memoriam to Christopher J. Klicka

Yesterday the home schooling world truly lost one of it’s most awesome advocates and greatest friends. This man, chronically ill with MS, never ceased to inspire me to press on teaching my children through my years of challenges through watching his accomplishments and courage. Chris was an attorney and lobbyist for HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense Association,) author and had seven children of his own he raised with his wife. What an example of bravery, working to the very end and even having two further books in progress at the time of his death. My heart goes out to his family. May they be blessed by peace and cherished memories. His life needs to be remembered and celebrated for the bravery he had to press on despite his circumstances and for the freedoms he helped grant to us today.

If interested, you may read about him here: http://www.hslda.org/docs/news/200910050.asp

It's Christ Who Strengthens Me

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" came to mind as I tried to sit still with another bad drug reaction. No matter how hard I try to live this or any good, I cannot do it on my own strength. It is in this earthly vessel, the weakest of the weaklings and a coward really, he makes himself known to me. How shocking really. He gives me strength I could not have on my own. It’s about abundance-to still be here. I don’t know what each day will bring, but I know the Lover of my Soul does. How I love him.


Here is the poem I wrote in my journal in response to Philippians 4:13 a month ago when starting this drug. I wait and pray for another chance.

I want to be brave
and fly above
the dark clouds
of my oppressive
illness.
Not be captive
to it, but
transformed
like a carefree
butterfly
eager to take
off into the
unknown,
the next flight.
~JL 8/09

Update

I have not been blogging much recently due to some medication difficulties which have caused me to be fatigued more than usual. During this time, I've been shown the truth that the little things here matter more than other bigger things and I only have so much energy per day.

So I am putting most my energy towards our schooling and home life. We actually began back to our studies since mid-August and rejoined our home school group. We've been to Park Days to celebrate starting up again and are looking forward to a few field trips.

It's year nine for us and it took a little convincing myself this year. It wasn't a sure thing with how I have been feeling, so many doctor appointments and considering the girls ages and needs. There's many good private schools in the area, but none affordable. Quite frankly our experience of the public school with our son didn't fit the bill for the upper grades. I'd like to avoid it.

After much conversation, prayer and getting other help, I was convinced as every year since this experiment started to continue. Possibly the girl's wishes and these summer photo memories clinched it the most for me. The girls are motivated to be home and together. We're on to another year.

Wordless Wednesday (Not really....)

Here it is--a rare photo of me looking like me in my glasses, no make up and no time to waste dying my hair with the new fragrance-free natural hair dye that actually works. Hair dye needs to be repeated though, which women do in a very timely manner ad nausum. In case you can't see, I've fetched my first autumn leaves and am elated with them and this is my faithful husband who stands by me with my odd glasses, chronic illnesses and quirky ways. He is still cute in my opinion, for 24 years later and fairly normal glasses.

We're taking a "staycation," which for those who don't know is a vacation at home this year. (Yes, I know some readers call it a holiday, but here we call it vacation and the word "holiday" makes me break out in nervous hives which I suppose is your festival or something but enough of that I do love you all.)

I am a New Jersey girl, but rural as in, very-close-to-Pennsylvania-rural-bear- territory. It is country here which is some times difficult to convince people who think that we are all one big exit off the turnpike. I can understand that. I've lived in several locations in New Jersey, eight to be exact. So, I may be country now, but still Jersey enough to have an opinion on topics from A to Z. I just don't always give them. I will be getting around to more home schooling and blogging eventually, but am taking a break now from the rush of life, routines and forums on the internet. Though with one confession-- you may locate me at times still on Facebook. This country girl is still intending to load in more photos and figure it all out. It is very funny over there, especially live chat. :)

More Joy Habits

For about two years now, I've been keeping a gratitude journal. My sister gave me this great leather journal and it's become a loved one, showing it's wear. I've not always been what I would call a positive thinker, but more a "realist". Though little by little when I began this new habit, it became motivating and a good way to chase away the darker days. I began to see my days a bit different, look for the gifts, and record love's little mysteries. I thought I'd share my joy habit here from time to time here--so here goes:

1. The way they hum when they bake; the girls often take my place

2.The jump that begs for a momma audience

3. Late summer lightening bug chase

4. The stranger at the hospital with the walker who was willing to chatter away my nervousness

5. Faithful horses that nicker hello every time I return home

6. Long brown braids

7. Late vibrant blooming marigolds

8. Butter dripping down sweet corn

9. Smouldering sunsets

10. Finding purpose again

Endings and Joy Habits

It is finished-endings. I never liked them. Like the end of childhood, charred relationships, last nights in homes, last carefree walk, last Italian dinner and drink. Now we are in the last days of the summer. You get the point.

Though sometimes what appears to be an ending is a new, different beginning. At times it is good, necessary, even celebratory in some way, this finishing. My mind is now more than ever, exercising this change muscle; this turning all into a joy habit. Saying goodbye to summer is really welcoming autumn, which I'm thankful for too.

The other night I had this mind thought that led me to correlate the cross to the ending–beginning stunt. The cross brings me face to face with Jesus’ suffering. He was alone. All his disciples had deserted him, except for his mother, 3 women, along with John. And his death was agonizing and humiliating. Sure seemed like an ending. His last words, “It is finished” however, expressed triumph rather than defeat. Even on the cross, in those circumstances Jesus knew the joy that was accomplished, though it did not appear sensible at the time. What the Father sent him to the world to do has now been accomplished. He sacrificed for us.

It-this-is finished, but it is the joy of victory.

Our lives in the eternal are now, here, and from today forward. Things may not appear great, and sure may not feel good at times, especially endings, but a new day has begun.