Sunday, June 27, 2010

What I Can Say Now

Now, approximately 2 years after being diagnosed with autoimmune disease I know it is okay to feel scared at times, to question if I am taking the right medications and to wonder about the future. God is already there.

I can say I know how emotions and self-doubt can get the best of you. I’ve learned how faith is stronger.

I now know for every ignorant comment someone will make, five other people will see me beyond my illness. When there are those who don’t understand my limitations, God will also bring me others who are willing to journey along with realistic expectations.

I can say I now know that love and hugs may come from the most unexpected places, when others walk away. And that I know when my heart breaks, God will mend it and that some times letting go is the only way to hold on.

I now know that some of the most genuine and compassionate people are fellow sufferers and that the internet has opened up my world a bit larger. I can tell you that the love of God and the love for one another flows freely at Living Whole with Chronic Pain and the support there has changed my life.

I want to say that all I want to be isn't, but I know that God still is.

I’ve learned doctors don’t always know everything and at times it’s best to stay home and trust my own instinct. I’ve learned the answers to life are not found in the ER.

So what happens when you get a chronic illness diagnosis?

Life will never be the same. It will be unpredictable and you must look for peace within. Some days you will become unglued. But I can tell you there will be strength and grace when you never thought you’d have it. You will fine tune your faith as you are given opportunities to believe. You will learn to love and cherish the smallest of things. You will indeed go on and find that God has many gifts to offer in the midst of it all. Then in some mysterious way, I believe it is an opportunity for a deeper relationship with the Spirit and for good. Right now we catch only mere glimpses of it in the moon’s reflected light but some day we will see more clearly.