Sunday, June 27, 2010

What I Can Say Now

Now, approximately 2 years after being diagnosed with autoimmune disease I know it is okay to feel scared at times, to question if I am taking the right medications and to wonder about the future. God is already there.

I can say I know how emotions and self-doubt can get the best of you. I’ve learned how faith is stronger.

I now know for every ignorant comment someone will make, five other people will see me beyond my illness. When there are those who don’t understand my limitations, God will also bring me others who are willing to journey along with realistic expectations.

I can say I now know that love and hugs may come from the most unexpected places, when others walk away. And that I know when my heart breaks, God will mend it and that some times letting go is the only way to hold on.

I now know that some of the most genuine and compassionate people are fellow sufferers and that the internet has opened up my world a bit larger. I can tell you that the love of God and the love for one another flows freely at Living Whole with Chronic Pain and the support there has changed my life.

I want to say that all I want to be isn't, but I know that God still is.

I’ve learned doctors don’t always know everything and at times it’s best to stay home and trust my own instinct. I’ve learned the answers to life are not found in the ER.

So what happens when you get a chronic illness diagnosis?

Life will never be the same. It will be unpredictable and you must look for peace within. Some days you will become unglued. But I can tell you there will be strength and grace when you never thought you’d have it. You will fine tune your faith as you are given opportunities to believe. You will learn to love and cherish the smallest of things. You will indeed go on and find that God has many gifts to offer in the midst of it all. Then in some mysterious way, I believe it is an opportunity for a deeper relationship with the Spirit and for good. Right now we catch only mere glimpses of it in the moon’s reflected light but some day we will see more clearly.


Ganeida said...

I think you are on a difficult journey. I cannot imagine having to walk your path day after day. You are brave. ♥

John Richards said...

You write so beautifully, about the trials you face on a daily basis. I am very glad to know you.
I see in your life and struggles that you have the view of hope, love, and trust in God. As Christians, we are on a path of transformation and overcoming obstacles. The path is made before us as we place our feet down one at a time. Sometimes we must wait, and the timing is not our own, but waiting does not mean weakness. God bless you my dear Friend Jan!

Jan Lyn said...

Oh Ganeida, I am not brave. I think it true that God at times allows the weakest to be in these challenges. Anything I do, it is through him, not myself, but you are a dear and faithful reader.

John, I am most glad that our Paths have crossed and feel we are walking the journey together. May we always rely on Christ and find our peace and comfort in him.

Much Love and Light to you both,
Jan Lyn

Renee said...

This is a beautiful and insightful post ~ it is so true that God uses our weaknesses and works through us...One of my favorite verses is paraphrased : "I can do all things through Christ who continually pours His strength into me" Anther way to say Phil.4:13 is, I can do all things through Christ who RESTS me....
I received a card when I went through the journey with cancer early this year that said

"In hard times she had learned three things~
She was stronger than she ever imagined (of course due to Christ)
Jesus was closer tahn she ever realized.
She ws loved more than she ever knew."
This really spoke to me...
When God works through us in our weaknesses, miracles happen, and we are blessed to experience these miracles....and to see His goodness and love. Not always easy to see in the middle of a tough time, but something we can remember when the tough times threaten to overwhelm us...
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I always grow a little when I am privleged to come here.

Heather said...

Jan Lyn, you put everything so well.

I'm not around much online at the moment, but I have an email in my inbox from you that I'm intending to answer one of these days...

Much love xxx

Jan Lyn said...

Oh Renee, I loved the verse (one of my favorites too!) and the card that you shared with me here. Thank you for your kind words and time you have given me...

Heather, I am thrilled that you have taken a peek in here as I have noticed that you've not been around our special places much. I miss you, but understand fully. Prayers and well wishes to you.

Lots of Love,
Jan Lyn

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