Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sweet River

I scampered across the stream from rock to rock forgetting myself, my age, my some times funny balance problems. It happens, this adult turns to child out there; there in the green with the water bubbling and the sun and shade playing games too. Resting for a while, I’m thoroughly entertained watching the girls make their way all over this place as there is a strategy involved, a quick calculating of maneuvers to decide which way is best, which rock is too risky. I chuckle to myself as it’s a human chess game. A game of run the river.

Isn’t that what we do? We are running the river of time and it’s precious, bittersweet and some times there are no words that adequately describe watching yourself grow up and older, let alone your children.

Time to go and little one needs help on a teetering rock, all others ahead watching as I snap her up, forgetting myself. See, it’s not so easy any more, never the less there is that quick instinct to pick up my now 43 pound nine year old baby. We have ourselves a moment, that seems to linger on forever as I waver, slip and slide, and try to regain my balance all the while the others are just grinning ear to ear thoroughly entertained on the other side. All I care is that my baby doesn’t get hurt and the wetness from the unexpected dip in is nice once on solid ground. I think to myself, that may have been a "last".

Unexpected is that last diaper, that last time at the breast, last spoon feeding and last push of the bike, that final child. Who would have known those sacred moments were the last, etched as they are in my mind. Huge step across time and a bit of a challenge to maneuver, my firstborn that I could not pick up nor push on the swing during his young years graduates from highschool in a few short days! It’s a pretty big last, but I’m attempting seeing it more as a first. Who would have known the sweet grace granted unto me along the way. I’m skipping on rocks again, though paying for it dearly. I’m seeing more beauty that I over looked before and what is sweet when it does come to me is a whole lot sweeter. Though I did not fathom the boulders I’d have in the way now. Paul says to count it all joy, and so I attempt to through startling shade and brightening sunny days. I laugh and I cry so often that feeling of the same vein now.

What joy and what comfort to know that there are no lasts when it comes to the Lover of my Soul. It will never be over; there will be no finality nor any separation. God is loving me, holding me safe, while I lag behind them now watching them run the race on ahead. It’s the natural order of things. I am mentally cradling them in my heart cheering them on as they take steps, jump, and encounter risks. I am rejoicing in the truth of us all being held eternally. It’s not always easy, but it’s time to run unencumbered; keep running the river of time.


Heather said...

Beautiful, Jan Lyn :)

Renee said...

I echo Heather's words here, Jan Lyn
Beautiful! After spending a day with my grandchildren this past weekend, I can connect well with what you are saying. My children are long past needing mom's help along the way...but they will always have my prayers.
God bless
I so enjoyed this!

Anonymous said...

My beautiful sister and our beautiful Savior... Love, J

Jan Lyn said...

Thanks...glad you ladies enjoyed it. I some times need to ramble on about these thoughts and occasions. It helps me process them a bit. So happy that you are getting to enjoy your Grandchildren Renee, what a blessing!
Thanks sister J.
Much love,
Jan Lyn

Ganeida said...

Time passes so quickly. Every so often Ditz will hold my hand ~ but less & less the bigger she gets & she's my last. I miss the sweetness of carrying a littlie around. My Liddy is just about 20 & thinks she may have found herself *the man*! My baby! Ouch. When did that happen?

Jan Lyn said...

Oh Ganeida, I sympathize as the young years go so quickly and I lost a few years there being quite ill, so all feels kind of sudden as far as graduation! I'm one that loves that hand holding and hugging too and this little one was not planned to be our last at all, but life got interrupted a bit. I'm thankful and blessed and focus on that, but WOW...graduations and weddings...I'm right there with you as I OUCH while I celebrate!
Blessings to your family.....