Sunday, July 5, 2009

Seriously Now, I Need Holy Silence

A few weeks back I slowed down my internet time due to being over-extended here at home. I desired to get caught up, but even more than that, just needed some space and quiet time for reflection and renewal. I was not resting-at all. Though soon to find out once again, the work and interruptions never end. No never. Not when you are a teacher, a mom, a lover, a daughter, a sister, aunt, a house keeper, and friend. Wow, how those roles are not necessarily in the correct order here, nor am I am to fulfill them all as I’d like! They are all a blessing, but a busy one.

As a responded in one of my comment sections, I’m hard pressed here for any sort of quiet place and really have to steal away the time to rest daily or it doesn’t happen. Some times it can’t happen. That’s reality. At age 45 I’m smart enough to fight a bit for what I need and that’s a time for sacred holy silence. It’s tricky here, so I claim a few green fields as my own as well as the bathtub. I’m not ashamed to say it, I read, pray, eat, day dream and yes– commonly fall asleep in my bathtub. See, a shut bedroom door might work– but only for a while.
I’ve come to identify in William Penn’s words, "True silence is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. "

So, I’m making an effort to take the time and it helps me slow my thoughts which come to me at lightening speed often. It makes more room in life to expect to connect directly to God which is becoming increasingly important to me the older I become.

That being so, I thought I had my personal time nabbed the other day. Sliding into a rejuvenating tub to the brim, my muscles relaxed and with eyes closed I shut out the world for a while. Though in the distance, I hear my phone belting out it’s tune not once, not twice, but five times. This was a persistent caller and with that many consecutive rings, it dawned on me it could be an emergency. So, dripping wet, wrapped in a towel I go running through the house to search for my phone, which was of course, very deep some where in the abyss of my purse. At this point I was very aware of the puddles across the wood floor and oriental rug. Sure enough, a message from hubby telling me that the next door neighbor had called him at work and did I know that our two horses were loose in his yard?!? That was a relief, as it was no emergency, but one look out the window–still in the towel mind you–it evidently seemed an emergency to him! Being the overly reflective person I am at times, I chalked it all up to God letting me know that I’m not always in control and it just wasn’t time for my silence for the day. We precariously took care of that one here and mopped up....

I am not giving up. I need time for this daily renewal apart from the noise of the day and the internet that so easily becomes like a magnet in order to to reflect on thoughts that arise. I need to continue to rest and process what I've been through while recreating a new and different life today. I want to claim more time of expectant silence to experience God for myself. It can’t be done in noise and it has to be done in my own way, not necessarily how others do it. Don't get me wrong, I love time on the computor as well as most people, but more silence and more time in the green world to gently rock me like a baby may work best.


Heather said...

You know how much I understand this!

Ganeida said...

*sigh* me too! So hard with a houseful. I like to escape into the mangroves ~ so QUIET! But our weather has been absolutely miserable all winter & I am struggling for personal space & inner quiet. I need to make that time for *holy silence* somwhere soon. I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this.

Renee said...

Even with my empty nest...I understand and desire that "holy silence" myself at times.
I did have a good laugh over the horse adventure! I could easily visualize the antics involved with the tub, phone, horses, and rescuing them. I really hope and pray for you...more time of holy silence and pesonal space when it is necessary.